BEN'S QUOTES

“What are you complaining about? You have pants on!”

“A monkey saying uh-oh is always superfluous.”

“How hard is it to steal breasts?”

“It was not in my immediate plans to have sex with a Muppet.”

“I’ll keep that in mind: if I’m not precise enough, you’ll pass gas.”

"And you complain about greasy saffron?"

"I like to know why I'm kicking a man in the balls."

"Why would you flush a chicken?"

"You had a lot of angry nuns in your life."

"Let's flip for it: you're wearing clothes, and I can use my hands."

"Cheese in pasta is like socks in the washing machine."

"You don't need contacts for sex."

"I've picked cherries, too, just not professionally."

"Basically, it all comes down to old people necking."

"I want the soggy one."

"It's hard for me to be in the mood when I have to pee."

"If your ass ever commits a crime, I'll be able to pick it out of a line-up."

"Of course babies have hard-ons!"

"I like trivia, but this is ridiculous!"

"When he's not raping little children, he helps me with my cold."

"When I'm in my boxers, I make my own tea."

"French fries are much like breasts"

"That's quite a hefty sodomizing tool!"

"Some of my best friends are cock teasers."

"What is the significant attribute of dead people?"

"Never tell a man that his mom's cookies suck!"

"Did they just get stung by the fuck fly?"

"What kids do we have access to?"

"You don't describe orgasms well."

"At least in Disneyland, you can hug squirrels."

"I wish I were gay so I could just drink herbal tea and forget about it."

"As if circumcision wasn't enough!"

"It's fun to play with your nipples!"

"Isn't it fun being cynical?"

"One of these days, your metabolism is going to betray you and you'll be the next Dom DeLuise."

"Fear my ball juice!"